The World According to "Aaarrgh!"

Here's one sent to me from my Alabama friend....

How would you pronounce this child's name:"Le-a" 

 Leah?? NO
 Lee - A??  NOPE
 Lay - a??  NO
 Lei?? Guess Again.

It's pronounced "Ledasha" Oh yes...you read it right.
This child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA. Her mother is irate because.....everyone is getting her name wrong...... SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce it correctly.  When the mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name,
she said "the dash don't be silent."

Yet another funny email from the Tulsan……

Catholic guy goes into the confessional box.  He notices on one side a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars. Then the priest comes in.

“Father, forgive me, for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting these days.”

The priest replies, “Get out. You’re on my side.”

THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.

 NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.

SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS..

THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.

THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.

I received this from Princess in an e-mail….

A  mature lady gets pulled over for  speeding…   

Older  Woman:  Is there a problem, Officer?   
Traffic Cop:  Yes ma’am, I’m afraid you were speeding. 

Older  Woman:  Oh, I see. 
Traffic Cop:  Can I see your license please? 

Older  Woman:  Well, I would give it to you but I don’t have one.  

Traffic Cop:  Don’t have one? 

Older  Woman:  No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.  

Traffic Cop:  I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.  

Older  Woman:  I can’t do that. 

Traffic Cop:  Why not? 

Older  Woman:  I stole this car. 

Traffic Cop:  Stole it? 

Older  Woman:  Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.  

Traffic Cop:  You what!? 
Older  Woman:  His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see  

The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up.  Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer  slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.  

Officer  2:  Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle  please!

The  woman steps out of her vehicle.  

Older  woman:  Is there a problem sir? 

Officer  2:  My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and  murdered the owner. 

Older  Woman:  Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!

Officer  2:  Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,  please.

The  woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty  trunk.  

Officer  2:  Is this your car, ma’am? 

Older  Woman:  Yes, here are the registration papers. 
The traffic cop is quite  stunned.  

Officer  2:  My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.  

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch  purse and hands it to the officer. 

The officer examines the  license quizzically.  

Officer  2:  Thank you ma’am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn’t have a  license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner! 

Older  Woman:  Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding,  too.  

Don’t  Mess With Mature Ladies