The World According to "Aaarrgh!"

One of the oldest buildings in Bartlesville, the Johnstone Building, built the same time as my house, 1910, caught fire last night. It took over twenty firefighters from four different departments to get the blaze under control. For those somewhat familiar with Bartlesville, this building is on the northwest corner of Frank Phillips Blvd. and Johnstone Ave. across the street from ConocoPhillips, and was the home of May Brothers Men’s Clothing for 99 years. May Brothers is famous for being Oklahoma’s oldest continuously run men’s clothing store, run by the May family from 1910 until it was closed earlier this year due to Mike May’s retirement. I walk by this building when I go on my periodic nightly downtown walks.

(Photo by Jon Copeland) 

How does this fire affect me personally? The building to the right of this building contains Inspirations Dance Studio, which is where Number 3 goes. Inspirations is closed due to water and smoke damage. On the first floor right side of the building is One Tiny Cafe’, a cafe large enough to seat 12 where I like to eat lunch sometimes when I am off. Also closed. On the frist floor left is Roberts, an upscale restaurant owned by fellow St. John’s parishioners, which is now destroyed.

I think it is interesting that, bar none, every woman who has ever accused me of being sexist or demeaning them or putting them down was in a cohabitation arrangement.  Let me get this straight – you want me to respect you when the person who is supposed to love and cherish you, doesn’t?  Huh?

I also find it interesting that those women who are cohabitating seem to be much more sensitive about the whole “you are putting me down because I am a woman” crap then those who aren’t.  Perhaps it is a sense of guilt?  It seems to me that those who behave badly and dishonor themselves are more defensive about their honor.  Perhaps it because subconsciously they know that they have debased their own honor and need to restore it, and will fight to do so? 

Here is a simple rule for you to ponder – if you want others to respect you, you must respect yourself.  If you are shacking up with your boyfriend or allow your body to be disfigured or marred, then you don’t respect yourself.  If you can’t respect yourself, then it is unreasonable to expect anyone else to respect you.  It’s as simple as that.   Don’t ask others to do what you yourself won’t do.

Oh, and as for my confidential.  No matter how many times you tell me that this guy is a good guy, if he is shacking up with a woman, he is NOT a good guy.  Period.  You can talk until you are blue in the face, but that won’t change my mind.  A guy who disrespects a woman so much by refusing to make a lifetime commitment to her is not a good guy, but a louse and a scoundrel.

Since I posted that column yesterday, I have done a lot of thinking about it.  There was so much more I wanted to say, but it had to be left on the cutting room floor.  So, consider this post as part of the extras you get on the DVD.

Twenty one years ago, when my best friend from college and his girlfriend graduated, they moved off-campus into an apartment complex.  Here’s what’s interesting – they lived in the same complex, but not the same apartment!  I had a lot of respect for the both of them for having separate quarters!  Even at the tender age of twenty-two, I thought it was inappropriate for two unmarried people of the opposite sex to share living quarters.  After they broke up, and he started dating the woman he eventually married, they lived together, and I couldn’t look at him the same again.  I tried, but I just couldn’t.  I had expected better.  When that happened, deep in the dark recesses of my little pea brain,  I couldn’t look at either of them the same again, as the word “trash” would always pop into my head.  I was very disappointed in my friend.  He was getting the milk for free, so why should he buy the cow?  What saddened me the most was the fact that he was a school teacher, and I expect school teachers to be a role model for children.  Do we really want a role model who is afraid of making a lifelong commitment, who is hedging his bets?  Sometimes the hardest decisions, such as the decision to marry, are like jumping out of an airplane – there’s no turning back, and we have to have faith and hope that we will land safely.  To me, cohabitating is like jumping out of an airplane attached to a bungee cord, just in case.