Most people will tell you that overall I am pretty easy to get along with. Yes, I have a temper, and I admit that, and generally when I lose my temper, I yell and holler and then I am done. Just like that.
There are two people, however, that can get me so enraged, I feel like I am going to erupt — my ex-wife and #2. (That is probably why they don’t get along at all, as each one is a reflection of the other.) In fact, they get me so damned angry, it becomes disruptive to those around me. Take today, for example. I was so angry with #2, that pretty much everyone one on this side of the building could hear me. My boss could hear me when he came in the front door, and he was rather ticked about it. And I had my office door closed so I wouldn’t disturb anyone!
I have found that most people you can reason with and bargain with, but not those two. Both of them push and push and push to the extreme, and it makes me madder and madder and madder. I get so damn angry, I turn red and shake. I know I shouldn’t, but I do; they are just that good at pushing my buttons. You see, I like to bargain, to compromise. I think that there is always common ground that two parties can agree on; a “win-win”. I get very frustrated when I am dealing with someone who refuses to compromise, who refuses to budge even a millimeter. I just don’t understand how a person can be so stubborn and proud as to be willing to risk everything to avoid having to yield just a little bit. I have always subscribed to the MAD theory that kept the US and USSR from blowing each other to bits during the Cold War, and for the life of me a don’t get why someone would be willing to exercise the nuclear option, knowing full well that they will get toasted as well.
That is what happened to my marriage. I wasn’t opposed to the idea of the ex going back to college for the ninth time; I was opposed to the idea of her going full time. First, we couldn’t afford it, as we now have a child in college, and the child must come first. Second, we have seven kids, and seven kids take up a lot of time. There just isn’t enough time in the day to go to school full time, work full time, and have any time for the kids. Instead of compromising and going part-time, my ex had to do it her way, the world be damned! It didn’t matter that she would ultimately destroy a family; all that mattered is that she got her way. So, she is going to school full time and the family is destroyed. To me, destroying the family is not worth it, but that is just me.
There were several issues with #2 that escalated into a very nasty telephone shouting match. First, my kids know that I don’t like sleepovers, either at our house or my kids sleeping over at someone else’s, as they are rather intrusive and unnecessary when the other person lives locally. #2 told me that she’d been invited by a friend to go to Tulsa (an hour away) to a movie. I gave my approval. Then came the bombshell that she knew would infuriate me.
“Can I sleep over when the movie is done?”
“No. You need to be home by ten.”
“But why? You have to give me a reason.”
“No I don’t. Be home by ten.”
“But why inconvenience them? That would force them to drive back into town…”
“They have to drive through town on their way home, anyway. Not an inconvenience.”
“But I haven’t seen her for a year. We want to spend time together.”
“Whose fault is that? You went to school together?”
And it went downhill from there. We disengaged, and for some reason, I decided to check the cell phone use. Let’s just say I was not pleased. Not only had she chewed up most of the 700 monthly minutes, she chewed up 300 rollover minutes as well. We have no minutes left for the rest of the billing month. One call was for 137 minutes. Given that it was a local call, and we have a landline, I was not happy. At all. I called back to inquire.
“Why such a long call?”
“Oh, it was important.”
“Was it life or death?”
“No.”
“Why so long?”
“I forgot the time.”
“Why not use the landline?”
“My friends don’t like to call the landline.”
“Why not?”
“Because sometimes it doesn’t get answered.”
“Why can’t they leave a voicemail message?”
“It’s too much of a hassle. Why go through that hassle when they can call me directly on the cell?”
“Because it’s not your cell, it’s mine. I have to pay the minutes. I am having to pay for your friends’ convenience. (I was yelling at this time. This is when my boss walked through the front door and got ticked….) They can call the landline.”
“But what if they are out front? They need to call me to tell me to come outside.”
“They can get out and ring the doorbell.”
“You expect my friends to get out and ring the doorbell?”
“Yes.”
“You’re a jerk, Dad.”
The conversation was disengaged. Then, an irritated rap at my office door. It was my very peeved boss, wanting to chat with me in his office. Not good; not good at all.
It used to be that I would get in trouble with employers when I’d get in shouting matches with my ex over the phone. Now, it’s my daughter. Two peas in a pod. I guess I am just a bad as they are, for their lack of self-control so infuriates me that I lose my self-control. Physician, heal thyself!
(POSTED BY AAARRGH)
A suggestion. Let her pay for her own phone. Take her off your service. You don’t owe her that. If you have a soft heart buy her a trac phone. Tell her its primary function is for emergencies and short communications. Then give her a starter card. If she uses it up then she has to go out and add more minutes.
Sure the minutes are a little bit more expensive but kids don’t need to be on the phone for endless hours. Also work up a plan where she must return or answer your calls. After all a cell phone is a privilege not a right.
I use a trac phone and have never ran out of time. it works just fine.
I didn’t pay for my kids cell phone. Put the responsibility in her hands. she needs to learn how to manage expenses. I think Sister no 2 would also back this up!
I also agree with the sleepovers. A lot of kids get into mischievous behavior during the middle of the night on sleepovers.
dad, you change your mind every 5 seconds like ive said before and when ive asked you about a sleepover 4 months ago and i know Number 2’s not a kid but heres what you said ” your a kid, and your not a kid all your life so you can go to sleepovers because theres no point in not letting a kid be a kid” and for the past 4 months ive gone to 3 sleepovers and you let me, now im not sure if you were just talking about Number 2 on this but she does act like a bratty kid but thats not the point, from the way i read this it seems you not going to let us go to sleepovers again…it seems youve changed your mind again and this is why i can never give anyone a straight answer because your a yes no every 5 seconds person no you will read this wednesday and then if you have anything to say about it then email me.
Number 4 — it all depends on who is having the sleepover. If you recall, the last time that your sister stayed at her house, her parents left them unattended, they climbed on the roof, and the place looked like a pigsty. Given that experience, I am not inclined to grant permission.
i agree with aunt K on this who know what 16 year old girls will do at a sleepover and sometimes wiht no parents there, kinda bad dont y a think.