Archive for June, 2009

Geez! He Was Just A Singer!

Friday, June 26th, 2009

All of the wailing and gnashing of teeth over the death of Michael Jackson reminds me of all of the wailing and gnashing of teeth over the death of Elvis in 1977.  When Elvis died, I was 11, and didn’t understand what all the fuss was about.  Now, I am 43, but I still don’t understand what all the fuss is about.

Jackson was an entertainer, nothing more, nothing less.  He wasn’t a hero. He didn’t find the cure for cancer.  He didn’t rescue people from a collapsing building, or risk his life to help others, or give up all of his worldly possessions to help the poor of Calcutta.  He was a narcissistic entertainer whose time had come and gone 25 years ago.  Yes, he had a good voice and was a heckuva dancer.  Yes, “Thriller” was one of the all-time greatest albums ever made.  But that was many many years ago.

What exactly did he do after “Thriller”?  Not much, really.  Yes, he had a few good songs, but he reached his peak with “Thriller”, and declined after that.  He mutilated his face with countless surgeries.  He shared his bed with little boys.  His companion was a chimp.  He dangled an infant off of a balcony.  He thought of himself as “Peter Pan”.  His death was most likely the result of his own excesses.  Yet we mourn him like he was a saint or a hero.  I just don’t get it….

Memo to the world — He was just a singer!  Get over it!

My Michael Jackson Memory

Friday, June 26th, 2009

The album “Thriller” came out when I was in high school.  One of the hits from “Thriller”, “Billie Jean” caused a great deal of controversy.  Sure, the topic was controversial, but even more controversial was what the hell he was saying?  As this dorky white kids heard it,

“Billie Jean’s at my door.  She’s just a girl.  She says I am the one.  But the ch-something is not my son.”

What wasn’t his son?  Child?  Cheese? Chair?  We would replay that part of the song over and over, and debate ad nauseam. 

 

“It must be child, right?  That would make sense.”

 ”But it sounds more like cheese.” 

“How can cheese be a son?”

“Don’t ask me!  I didn’t write the song!  How can custard drip from a dead dog’s eye?”

“Good point!”

“No, he’s saying ‘CHAIR’.  It’s some kind of slang lingo for child.”

 

A few us guys were watching ”Late Night with David Letterman” (when he followed Johnny Carson) one night, and the topic just happened to be the accursed lyric.  Letterman had received a letter asking for clarification as to the lyric.  He played the song, and at the unknown word, a man’s voice (I believe it was his producer) clearly states, “CHAIR”.  There you have it!  Mystery solved.

Back in May, #3′s dance recital included an interpretation of the song, “Thriller”.  For brevity’s sake, the dance studio did not do the entire song, which I pointed out to #1.  The next day, I dusted off my vinyl and played “Thriller”.  While I had the record out, I mentioned the debate over the lyric to Billie Jean, and how you can’t really understand what he is saying, and about the David Letterman answer.  She said she wanted to weigh in, so I played it for her.  When it was done, she stated that the lyric does indeed sound like “the CHAIR’s not my son.”

(Here are the actual lyrics to that part of the song–

Billie Jean’s not my lover, she’s just a girl who claims that I am the one, but the kid is not my son…)

My challenge to you, the reader is this — listen to the Chorus of Billie Jean, and tell me who is right about what he is saying — David Letterman (and me), or Michael Jackson as officially published on the record.  Remember, artists have been know to publish lyrics different from what they are actually singing.  (“Athena”, by The Who, is a song that I swear he is singing “she’s a girl, she’s a whore”, but the officially published lyrics say “she’s a girl, she’s a bomb”…)

Archives From April 1998

Thursday, June 25th, 2009

The archives are now complete through May 6, 1998.

New additions for April 1998:

Knee-Jerk Reactions Not A Laughing Matter

http://thefineprint.t2s2.org/Arkansas/tfp040198.html

What Would Jefferson Think?

http://thefineprint.t2s2.org/Arkansas/tfp040898.html

Maybe Being An Anachronism Is Not A Bad Thing, After All!

http://thefineprint.t2s2.org/Arkansas/tfp042998.html

Our Own Local Jon & Kate

Thursday, June 25th, 2009

Remember how I said I was sick of seeing Jon & Kate everywhere?  Well, we have a local “personality” who I am just as sick of.  I turned on my radio this morning to scan the talkers, and there he was, spewing off his mouth.  First, the sound of his voice is rather grating and annoying.  Second, he is a moron who, as always, didn’t know what he was talking about and then resorted to snide attacks on one of our city officials.  This guy has a consistent record of failure but yet constantly touts his own greatness.  And for some strange reason, one of our local radio stations keeps giving him air time to spout his silliness, and there are people out there who actually believe it!  Which, of course, says volumes about the average Okie….

(If I wanted to increase the “visibility” of the blog, I could use his name so it will come up in searches, but I refuse to as a matter of principle.  I won’t contribute to the swelling of his oversized ego…..)

The GOP Is A Disgrace

Thursday, June 25th, 2009

As you are all aware, because you are well read readers, Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina, who went AWOL from the state for a week (even his wife didn’t know where he was), has admitted that he was in Argentina having an affair.  Big deal, right? Everybody does it….

Well, here is what is interesting about this particular instance.

  • Mrs. Sanford was a bit disingenuous when she said that she hadn’t heard from him, as she had thrown him out of the Governor’s Mansion two weeks ago! 
  • This is the same Mark Sanford, who as a member of the House of Representatives, voted in favor of three of four articles of
    impeachment against President Bill Clinton, citing the need for “moral
    legitimacy.”
  • Either he lied to his staff about his whereabouts, or his staff lied to the world.  (Either way, that was very very bad.)
  • He did not follow emergency protocol, i.e. officially handing over the levers of government to the Lt. Governor while he was out of the state (a la John Ashcroft when he was governor of Missouri…)

 I find it interesting that when Clinton had an affair, every Republican talking head out there wanted his immoral head on a platter, but when one of their own does it, then they talk about forgiveness and the weakness of the human soul.  Hypocrisy at its finest!  That’s why when the Republicans preach “family values”, voters don’t believe them anymore….

I applaud Mrs. Sanford for throwing his sorry behind out!  When the Monica scandal broke many years ago, I had suggested that Hillary do the same thing (only with the added theatrics of throwing Bill’s clothes from the second floor onto the White House lawn and giving him a shiner…..)

Governor Sanford is a scumbag, and his wife, sons, and the people of South Carolina deserve better…..

It’s liars like Sanford and that other cheater, Sen. Ensign, that prevent me from ever becoming a Republican.  I may have voted Republican in protest of what I consider to be Democrat stupidity, but I can’t lower myself to join a party of phony baloneys….

Glad I Will Win The Bet

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

Okay, I know most of you are tired of hearing about “the text bet”.  I found out that #2 stayed up all night the other night texting, which proves my point that she is obsessive about it.  She sent and received over 200 messages in one night, and lost much needed sleep, too.  We wouldn’t stay on the phone all night, so we shouldn’t text all night, either.  I was going to take her out driving for lesson #2 when I got home from work, but she was sleeping and we lost that opportunity.  Maybe I am weird, but when I was 16, I relished every opportunity I had to drive, I would move heaven and earth to make sure I got that opportunity.  But, that is just me.

Since she knows she has lost the bet, she has alerted her friend that her texting privileges end at 11:59 PM on June 26 (that’s the end of the billing cycle).  Of course, knowing that I will put on the password at midnight on June 27, she has been bargaining with me for a reprieve.  At 1:30 in the morning.  When I am trying to sleep.  I guess she thinks I will agree when I am groggy and half-asleep.  As the former Mrs. Schrader will tell you, I may talk about monkeys in the window when I am half-asleep, I don’t forget about important things.  Like bets.  And I am looking forward to a text-free child for a month!  Or more. 

She Did It!

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

Quasi-girlfriend passed her GED.  She worked very hard, and I am very proud of her!  Today is the beginning of the rest of her life.  (Okay, I know that I’ve used that phrase quite a bit recently, but it fits!)

One Event Can Change The Course Of History

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

A new “The Fine Print”.  Let me just say I learned a lot researching this.  Enjoy!

 http://thefineprint.t2s2.org/Oklahoma/tfp062409.html

Jon & Kate Plus A Bunch Of Money

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

As you know, Jon & Kate are divorcing, and their show is being placed on hiatus. Good news for all of us who are sick of seeing Jon and/or Kate on the cover of every supermarket tabloid, bad news for Jon and Kate.  You see, they are paid $75000 per episode!  NOTE TO TLC:  I have seven children, and I am a single parent!  You can pay me $75000 an episode, and I don’t have the marital drama!

Turn Left

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

Those of you who know me know that Doctor Who is my all-time favorite television program.  I was a Doctor Who fan twenty-five years ago, when only nerds and geeks were Doctor Who fans.  Since the show has started back up, I have religiously watched every episode, and some are so well written and thought-provoking that they are worth watching again and again.  One such episode is “Turn Left”.

The underlying premise of the episode is an exploration of what would be the ultimate outcome if you did one thing different in your life.  In the episode the character Donna, instead of turning left and taking the temporary job at one firm, turns right and takes the secretarial job at a different firm.  Because she turns right instead of left, she never meets the Doctor, disasters happen, and the future turns out to be very bad, indeed.  So, because the character didn’t do one small thing like turn left, the future turned out completely differently.

Why am I thinking about a Doctor Who episode?  I was thinking about it because of something I suggested in one of the archived columns.  In a column from 1998, I suggested that, because of the Monica Lewinski scandal, Clinton should resign.  It seemed like a good idea at the time, but what would have happened if he did?  For starters, Al Gore would have been President.  If Al Gore had been the President, the election of 2000 would probably have turned out differently.  Would the terrorists have attacked?  Who knows.  Would Obama be President?  One can only speculate.

When George W. Bush was President, the Democrats spent eight years playing the what-if game, and concluding that the things that happened wouldn’t have happened if only the election of 2000 had turned out differently.  But what if things had turned out worse?

I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason, even if we never understand what that reason is.  There was a reason I got married.  There was a reason I had seven children.  There was a reason I moved to Bartlesville.  There was a reason I am now divorced.  I just have to have a little faith that it will all work out in the end.